Lesson
Motivation and Willpower
Explore where motivation and willpower are effective, and where they aren’t.
Motivation and Willpower
Before we can do the necessary work of exploring our own relationship with gambling, we have to do one very important thing. We have to stop gambling.
When most people attempt to stop gambling, they rely on two very common tools: motivation and willpower. These are great tools for starting the process, but they are not usually enough to propel you on your journey to lasting behavior change.
Furthermore, over reliance on them can leave you feeling deprived and anxious. That’s not what we want! Our goal is to help you live a life free from gambling harm, without the feeling like you’re constantly missing out.
In this lesson, we’ll unpack the power of motivation and willpower, and explore some other strategies that can help you maintain your goals for the long term.
Motivation and Willpower
When most people attempt to stop gambling they feel a strong sense of motivation, and are committed to using their willpower to overcome the challenge. Their resolution usually sounds something like this:
“I’m ready to make a change! I am going to quit gambling. I recognize the damage it’s doing to me, and I never want to feel this way again. Let’s do this!”
Motivation and willpower are important tools, especially to start the process of change. In fact, without motivation and willpower, you probably wouldn’t have downloaded Evive in the first place. However, they very rarely carry you all the way through the finish line.
They are affected by everything else going on in our complex, and sometimes stressful lives. They ebb and flow.
A Relevant Example
Let’s look at health and fitness goals as a parallel. Millions of people wake up on New Year's Day and decide this is the year they’re going to get in shape! They’re motivated! They commit to a new diet, join a new gym, and even grab a new pair of running shoes!
And it works…for a few days. Maybe even a few weeks, or a few months. They wake up early and go to the gym to workout before work or class. They order a salad at lunch while their friends order a burger and fries. They spend Friday night with a movie or a book instead of being out on the town.
But eventually, their motivation starts to slip…Maybe they experience unexpected stress and find themselves bingeing on that pizza they’ve been depriving themselves of all month. Maybe a nagging injury reappears and they get knocked off course for a few days. Whatever the cause, the outcome is the same… They slowly slide back into the old habits they know well.
In fact, research shows that roughly 90% of all New Year’s Resolutions are health and fitness related. By February, only about 60% are still committed. By April, that number drops to roughly 10%. There are many common reasons for this steep decline:
Going Solo
We set ambitious goals and then try to achieve them all by ourselves, without a support network.
Unreasonable Expectations
We set expectations that are unsustainable or overly ambitious, and then get demotivated when we don’t achieve them as quickly as we’d like.
No Plan
We fail to think through all the different aspects of our goal, and don’t plan accordingly.
We Lack Self-Belief
If we don’t believe we can change, we won’t.
Social Situations
We get caught up with what our friends or loved ones are doing, and that overtakes our own desires for change.
But no matter what the specific cause, the overwhelming truth is this: Lasting change is difficult.
Many of us have successfully stayed off the bet for a period of time, but most of us eventually slip up. As we saw yesterday, the research shows that about 70% of those who attempt to quit return to gambling within a year. There comes a time when we feel anxious, or we drink too much, or something happens in our lives that we struggle to cope with and… BOOM! We’re back on the bet.
The Force of Will
The other problem with relying on motivation and willpower alone, is that we’re constantly experiencing this tug-of-war between our desire to gamble and our desire to stop. It’s uncomfortable, and can leave us feeling deprived and anxious. That anxiety often leads us to want to gamble again. It can feel like an infinite loop that we can’t escape from.
At Evive, we want to help you stop that tug-of-war from happening in the first place. We want to help you stop gambling and enjoy your life, without a feeling of deprivation or loss. Sound impossible?
User Spotlight - Meet Sam
Tap here to read about Sam’s experience with willpower and motivation.
When I first decided to quit gambling, I thought of it like this:
“I genuinely love to gamble. However, I recognize that I can’t control myself, no matter how many times I try. The consequences of my lack of control are starting to really hurt my life. Gambling is not worth it. The damage it’s causing is too great”
I still regarded gambling as something I genuinely loved, but I clearly saw that to achieve my goals, I had to give it up. I thought of it like eating ice cream when I was on a diet. Naturally, I relied on my willpower and rationality to stay away, the same way I had been able to stay away from junk food.
I failed a lot. I must’ve tried and failed to quit gambling well over 100 times. When I wasn’t gambling, all I could think about was the opportunity to make my next bet. It became an obsession.
Each time I gave in and returned to gambling, I momentarily felt a sense of relief. Then, shortly after, I felt deeply ashamed. Eventually, even the fleeting sense of relief stopped happening. My failures confirmed for me that I was weak and destined to remain this way forever.
It was a terrible cycle, and it continued for years. What finally helped me break free was understanding what was happening in my brain when I gambled, and the true nature of the trap I was caught in. Once I understood what was really happening to me, I didn’t need willpower anymore because there was no battle of wills. I wanted to stop gambling more than I wanted to keep gambling.
Even though I still have urges to gamble from time to time, I recognize where they come from, and see them for what they are. I don’t feel deprived about not being able to gamble. Instead, I recognize that I no longer have to give in to that voice, and I don’t have to feel the way I used to feel.
I feel empowered.
-Sam DeMello (Founder of Evive)
It is possible to stop the tug-of-war, but it doesn’t happen overnight. It requires a comprehensive approach of education, self-awareness, community support, and above all else, an understanding of the strategies that work for you and fit into your life.
Closing Thought
Motivation and Willpower are very powerful tools, however they are rarely enough to achieve lasting behavior change. As you continue with Evive, we will arm you with additional tools to achieve lasting change, maintain your motivation when it starts to decrease, and ensure you don’t have to rely on willpower alone.